Lady Frances Howard

While writing the Medieval Vagina, I researched numerous fascinating medieval women and was amused, entertained, and inspired by their stories. One such woman, Lady Frances Howard, remains one of my favorites. Perhaps it is because she was a woman who wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted. Perhaps it was because she had a delicious evil streak. It could also be that I admire her luck (she escaped the gallows after a murder conviction, but that is another story). Lady Frances could rival any Game of Thrones character to be sure.

Lady Frances was married as a child to a son of a politically connected family but the youngsters were kept apart until they had reached sexual maturity. Problem was, by this time Lady Frances had fallen in love with someone else. Not just fallen in love…she was sleeping with guy. So once she was reunited with her childhood husband, she had a big, big problem. She was no longer a virgin. She sought a divorce from the husband, claiming that he suffered from erectile dysfunction and therefore, couldn't perform his husbandly duties.

The courts ordered a hymen inspection to prove that Lady Frances was, indeed, still a virgin. Because ten midwives and two court-appointed representatives would be present at the hymen inspection, Lady Frances demanded a veil over her face to preserve her modesty. Rumors exploded that the vagina being examined was not Lady Frances at all, but a stand-in hired by the defrocked Lady to cover up her philandering ways. A witty courtesan pens a clever ditty about the incident:

This Dame was inspected but Fraud interjected
A maid of more perfection
Whom the midwives did handles whilest the knight held the candle
O there was a clear inspection.

You could learn more about Lady Frances' story in the Medieval Vagina: A Hysterical and Historical Perspective of all Things Vaginal During the Middle Ages coming soon.